Armchair BEA Day 4: Nurturing Relationships - from ARGH's Point of View

Today's Armchair BEA topic may be the hardest for me to discuss.  Why?  Because I am not really aware how to work on relationships, I just do my thing and see how things go.  Fortunately for me, they mostly go pretty well.  So to ask me how I establish and maintain relationships with other people is pretty useless.

However, ARGH right here can tell you a thing or two about today's topic, as he must be the most sociable monster there ever is in the world of Monsterdom.  So taking the helm tonight to discuss something very relevant to book bloggers, let me hand over the reins to our resident monster, ARGH!

Hello everybody!  Today I will not be making you laugh or go crazy over my cuteness.  Nina specifically asked me to take this task seriously and I will.  Because I owe it to you to tell you the truth about relationships with the book world.  After all, if anyone can teach you a thing or two about relationships and publicity, why not me, the one who aspires to be the first-ever monster politician someday?

I am not really good at writing long paragraphs that will surely bore you to death - much like Nina's book reviews which, although they make sense, sometimes make me go 'blech' with all the details she puts in.  So like the 10 Good Things on a Monday feature that we do here on the blog - the first feature to bear my photo mind you - I will list things you must forever and ever stick into your brains:

1. To get books, you must NOT JUST RELY ON ARCs FROM PUBLISHERS OR AUTHORS.  Go buy copies of their books in the bookstore.  If you really love an author's book, you won't hesitate to shell out money for a copy of the product of their sweat and blood.  Like how you never hesitated to spend how much dollars just to see Rob Pattinson on screen trying to kiss Kristin Stewart's esophagus.  (I still think I can do a better - if not more graceful - portrayal of Edward than RPattz)
2. In the monster world, before monsters eat their victim, they say, "I'm going to eat you!" To avoid messy skirmishes with an author over a negative review you've written (yes, those situations do exist!), try to give a heads-up to the author first before publishing your review.  Let them be able to read it first, explain to them why you are giving such a review.  Remember that however bad a book is, authors tried to kill themselves writing it so when it gets criticized, it still hurts.  Just imagine if I suddenly told everyone, "(Your Name) smells like rotten corn!" (trust me, it smells really bad) when in fact, although you do smell funky, it's because you're sick and your medication is what's giving you that odor, it'll hurt, right?  But of course, letting the author read your review first does not mean you're giving them the right to make you change what you wrote.  You're just preparing them for whatever your verdict is, and because you care about their feelings.
3. Share a cupcake with a blogger.  Maybe not a real cupcake, but you get what I mean.
4. For really awesome books, instead of five stars, give the author a huge PLANET.  Like Jupiter.  Or maybe Saturn, because it's prettier.
5. When an author/publisher sent you books, thank them profusely, and make sure to tell them that when you become really famous someday, like president of a country, or a god, you'll name an island after them, and they have rights to that island.

You probably already know what I just told you.  But another advice - which I already know that you know, but I need to reinforce:

Be cute.  Be cuddly.  Be more, LIKE ME!

In other words, be confident about yourself, just like how I am.  Look at me.  I'm an undetermined shade of green, I'm fat, I do not have real hands, and my eyes are orange.  But all of you agree that I'm cute.  Why, when I AM A MONSTER?

It's because I, myself, think I AM CUTE.

And that's it, folks.  Nurturing relationships.  From a monster's point of view.